28 Days Later

I feel the need to say what I've been up to lately.... as if there's more than just me hanging on a silk string...

I have been home now for exactly 28 days. In that time I have seen 5% of my friends, I have accustomed myself to a new exercise routine, I have have applied to three colleges, read one and a half novels, purchased a very inexpensive midi keyboard, and found myself a job as a waitress. On my off days I've been spending it at my Broski's, back to ye old stomping ground to watch the sun rise and set on the familiar side of the train tracks because I must, like a bug to a light, return to the path of least resistance. In 28 days.... arguably 25 years and 28 days..... I haven't shut off my brain, not once, and I as much as I feel like I'm forgetting some dire responsibility or neglecting a few fragile formalities, I am also forgetting that pushing too far too fast can have disintegrating effects.

Try as I might to try as I might, my priority list looks more like a fortuitous display of redundant blurbs and bloops; ordered by the weight of the word, consistency of the line, or thickness of the blop. Much like the pattern of a 'seeing-eye' design, one must loose focus in order see..... and the overall meaning is intended more like a rhythm moves something.... because sometimes there are things that happen within us that make our hearts heavy for reasons we do not understand.

I continue to ask myself: how much am I the mold? How much am I molding? I continue to toss my coins at the question of reason vs. randomnimity, and I am no closer to finding the answer to life, but am becoming increasingly intrigued with never figuring it out.

In a lot of ways I feel calmer, but there is a new element.... something like my internal clock has slipped forward three seconds faster then the natural flow of things.... so I always feel ahead of the times, yet standing still.

I'd like to clarify that although I did record an album in Scotland, the beginning hasn't even begun and months of planning and push are still required. Being there, doing that, was an experience I will never forget, composed of the good and the bad that changed me in ways I never planned. A chapter has closed in my life and directed me back to a previously unfinished body of work called 'furthered education'.

We are capable of many things, not limitless things, but many, and there are things in me that feel restless. I'm craving the smell of text books, the stress of deadlines, the seemingly insurmountable problems that dissipate like an afternoon rain cloud when an essay is completed or a test is through. I am adding supports to the structure and making sure I oil the hinges.... so to speak.

So, here I am, after 28 days feeling like I should have wrote this yesterday, but knowing that these words come right on time. Thank you. I feel much better and I look forward to next time..... unless zombies get me first.

-r.d.